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Let me be clear. This is not a book about how to get what you want. There are plenty of “name it and claim it,” books and this is not one of them. This is a book that teaches you how to ask for what you want. In the words of that wise sage, Mick Jagger of the Rolling Stones, “You can’t always get what you want.” But you will never get it if you don’t ask, and as we all know from cold calling in sales, the more you ask, the more you increase your chances of success. The key is in the asking.

True, there are external factors—prejudice, misogyny, inequity, injustice, and others—that impact whether or not we are treated fairly and get what we want. I can’t control the government, society, culture, or even my family for that matter. (And heaven knows, and my husband will attest, for years I tried to control my husband and all it did was make us both miserable.) Many or most external factors are out of my direct control. What I can control however, are my thoughts, words, and actions. And I can either choose to be a victim, declare a pity party (more on that later), shrivel up, and disappear, or I can choose to continue moving forward with resilience and confidence. Clearly, I choose the latter. This book focuses on changes we can choose to make that I would argue will eventually have a ripple effect in the world. If you want to change the world, start by changing yourself.

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