Facts
Jerry Zevon lives on the Thames River in London, Ontario, and works as a junior executive for Labatt Brewing, or more properly Anheuser-Busch InBev SA/NV. During quarantine, Jerry decided, like many, to make a sourdough starter; unlike many, Jerry decided to make this starter in an old brewing vat. On June 12th, celebrating a potential partnership with Doctor’s Associates Inc, parent company of Subway, Jerry endeavored to make the starter according to their recipe.
Several dozen shredded yoga mats later, the starter seemed to have some troubles starting. Jerry proceeded to add a few hundred gallons of trusted InBev flavour-enhancers, namely propylene glycol and Calcium Disodium EDTA (a compound of formaldehyde, sodium cyanide, and Ethylenediamine). Livestreaming the event as corporate outreach (recommended by InBev’s social media department, Lauren), Jerry was filmed attempting to stir the mixture with a hockey stick. This caused the vat to tip over and spill its contents into the Thames.
The Ontario MOE issued an order to InBev and the City of London to remediate the spill. InBev did not provide personnel, although they allowed the City to use brewery land to organize their efforts. The City of London subcontracted the remediation to a local company, but the operator, Darry Jenkins, was also a devoted Labatt customer. Having extended this affinity to working hours, he negligently backed his truck into the Thames, causing a second spill of various chemicals (including hydrogen peroxide) and a small quantity of aluminum.
The London-Chatham stretch of the Thames River is home to four fish species listed under SARA: the Eastern sand darter, the gravel madtom, the gravel chub and the spotted sucker. The Thames River ecosystem also includes endangered reptiles, such as the spotted turtle and spiny softshell turtle, and several endangered species of freshwater mussels.
The Thames River provides the vast majority of drinking water to London and its satellite communities. The University of Western Ontario and several city parks are located along the river, with citizens regularly fishing and canoeing in its waters.
The Labatt Brewery is downstream of Jerry’s house, and sources their water from the adjacent river, resulting in the distinct flavour and aroma of Labatt 50.